She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
