I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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