Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
