I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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