Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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