Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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