you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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