She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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