So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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