my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
