One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
