i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
