So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
