I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
