Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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