my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
