People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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