I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
