I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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