dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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