someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
