I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
