apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't deserve a penis
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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