Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
