Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
