alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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