i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
