Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
