some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
