my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
