Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
