i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
