Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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