Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
