She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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