There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Small penises have feelings too.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
