We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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