we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
