i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
