Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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