That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
