I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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