All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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