I'm jealous of your bromance
People in love make me want to vomit
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
