My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
