She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
