I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
