if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
