Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
