Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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